A little sad, and a lot of disappointment...

I'm going to warn you...this is not a happy post.

I'm about to wallow in my own despair.

You might want to stop reading.

What?!? You're still reading? Ok,

Welcome to my pity party!

My medicine isn't working.

I kept hoping and after two months, it's definitely not cutting it.

The next step is using an estrogen based medicine. I was avoiding this, as it will lower my milk supply and I want to nurse Evie as long as I can or really as long as she wants...I'm big on self weaning.

I'm hoping with lots of feedings I will be fine. But I worry. Any prayers are appreciated.

On the other side of this, my hormones are out of control. The pain is reeking havoc on our lives and mainly my patience.

I'll be honest, I'm a better mom when I'm not in chronic pain.

Another bad part, my worst pain day was during vacation...hence the no Thursday post last week...

This week the throbbing in my back goes from an ache to a full out "I can't stand it, someone give me drugs" at the end of the day.

Some days I wonder if hysterectomy isn't the better option...but that makes me sad. Whether or not we have another child, I hate to think I have no options. Plus what if I have it and it still comes back? And yes, that can happen.

I also don't look forward to menopause. I've been through it twice (chemically induced)...and I didn't enjoy it then.

Right now I'm thinking I need a good dose of prayer and positive thinking.

Only some days even that is hard.

So if you see me in my pity party, remind me of all the great things God has given me, because a new perspective can be life changing.

I'm just not there yet.